The Freedom we Lack!
As we approach a Long-weekend to celebrate, I depend on our great nation; it is also an excellent time to build some insight about what freedoms mean! In our language, Freedom goes beyond words, arms, fights, and even wars; when we talk about Freedom, we talk about “Self-Differentiation” based on Bowen’s Systemic Theory. Setting yourself Free will be the most significant war you will ever be involve in.
Differentiation of self is distinguishing between thoughts and feelings in an emotional relationship system.
More simply: “Is the Ability to Distinguish yourself from your environment” — Can you be free from the emotional distress your world is charging you daily? Can you care for yourself even more than you care for your relationships? Can you protect yourself from social and media expectations by setting apart your own story and living your life at your pace?
Let's read what “The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family,” says about being you despite your surroundings.
People with a poorly differentiated “self” depend so heavily on the acceptance and approval of others that they either quickly adjust what they think, say, and do to please others or they dogmatically proclaim what others should be like and pressure them to conform. Bullies depend on approval and acceptance as much as chameleons, but bullies push others to agree with them instead of with others. Disagreement threatens a bully as much as it threatens a chameleon. An extreme rebel is a poorly differentiated person too, but she pretends to be a “self” by routinely opposing the positions of others.*
A person with a well-differentiated “self” recognizes his realistic dependence on others, but he can stay calm and clear headed enough in the face of conflict, criticism, and rejection to distinguish thinking rooted in a careful assessment of the facts from thinking clouded by emotionality. Thoughtfully acquired principles help guide decision-making about important family and social issues, making her less at the mercy of the feelings of the moment. What she decides and what she says match what she does. He can act selflessly, but his acting in the best interests of the group is a thoughtful choice, not a response to relationship pressures. Confident in his thinking, he can support others’ views without being a disciple or reject others’ views without polarizing the differences. He defines himself without being pushy and deals with pressure to yield without being wishy-washy.
Your "self" couldn't be more proud of you when you give it the space it deserves. Giving the respect your "self" deserves will also give you the peace of mind your brain needs. Being aware of our limitations will give us the strength we need to go further and beyond our capabilities.
How can we get there?
3 Simple Steps to start growing yourself today:
Increase Your Willingness to Self-Confront. —-> Q: Whom do you want to be?
Don't Change Based on Who You're With. —> Show yourself accurately, especially to the people who matter to you, even when you know it's hard.
Think Long-Term —> Q: Is this situation healthy in the long term?
If you see that you can't get a hold of yourself and the situations are disrupting your Daily Living, please seek help, and reach out to a Therapist.
*(Extraced on 7/2/2022 7:17 PM from https://www.thebowencenter.org/differentiation-of-self)** 